Semper Fi

A few weeks ago as I was perusing iTunes, hoping to find some new music to get myself motivated during this endless winter, I stumbled upon something pretty cool. It was a collection of songs called "Running Cadences of the United States Armed Forces."

After listening to a couple of the samples I smiled because many were very familiar to me. Songs and chants I've heard my husband use with our boys when we're out hiking sometimes. It made me realize just how much Marine culture had permeated our household. Thanks to my husband, the boys are affectionately referred to as Death Dealers, Devil Dogs and Snapperheads. Sayings like, 'Blood makes the grass grow, Marines make the blood flow!' and 'Pain is weakness leaving your body,' are common around here. They love to hear their Dad say, in his best marksmanship instructor voice, "Shooters, you may commence firing when you’re Dog targets appear! Standby! Taaaarrgets!"

Luckily for me, I had experience with military culture long before I got married. My Dad was an Army Lt. Colonel and helicopter pilot, so growing up I often heard weird things like, "Five minutes 'til lift-off!" when we were getting ready to go somewhere. Then he would sit in the "cockpit" of the family car and adjust all the mirrors, vents and seats before we departed. Each and every time. He still does that to this day. When we went on family vacations they were run with military precision. Bathroom stops were scheduled and checkpoints had to be reached to keep us on time. No exceptions were made. Ever. And I mean ever.


So I happily downloaded the running cadence songs (only the Marine ones, no offense, Dad) and went to the gym. I couldn't wait to hear my new music! It was awesome. I felt like a real Marine!

You can make it! If you try! Motivated! Dedicated!
Your Corps! My Corps! Marine Corps!

And,

Give me that good ol' Marine Corps spirit! Give me that good ol' Marine Corps spirit! Give me that good ol' Marine Corps spirit! Cause it's good enough for me!

And,

I'll be a Marine 'til the day that I die...Motivated and Semper Fi!

I could hear the boots of the Marines as they ran and really feel the camaraderie. It kept me going and I loved it. But I didn't realize how much it had seeped into my subconscious until a few night later. In a very realistic dream, I joined the Marine Corps. It was all figured out: The salary I earned would go to hire a nanny to replace me while I was at war. It seemed so real and like such a good idea until I had the terrifying realization that I could actually get shot. And it might not be a quick, over with it kind of death, but a horrible, painful wound. I started having second thoughts. Did I really want to actually die for my country? Like for real? Did I truly feel that strongly about it?

Thank goodness I woke up and didn't have to worry about going AWOL. After telling my husband about my dream I asked him how he did it. How did he sign up for something he knew could be the end of him. He laughed and said that he didn't think like that, he never considered it would or could actually happen to him. As an 'invincible' young man, in his mind only other people actually died. He also said that if I joined up and he had to get a nanny, she'd better be good at dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, and be a concubine as well. It also wouldn't hurt if she was about 18 years-old. Someone young enough to keep up with the boys, ya know? Of course he was joking! Calm down you women's libbers!



But on a serious note, I want to say how thankful I am that there are brave men and women that really do sign up for the Armed Forces, and not just in their dreams. I'm also happy to hear that 42,000 of them are scheduled to come home by July, thanks in part to the awesome General Petraeus. That fact has been little reported in the mainstream media because it's actually good news!!! Also, there's a housing boom going on in Baghdad right now because so many people are moving back since it's safer now. I'll bet most people haven't heard that either.

Our military is the best in the history of the world and I am proud to be the daughter of a Veteran and the wife of a Marine. Semper Fi!

domo arigato, mr. roboto, or not-o

I still recall, back in the late 1900's when I was in 6th grade. My school got its first computers and we were assigned a brand new class: Computer lab. For a semester we learned how to write programs in MS-DOS that would do breathtaking and useful things like make a happy face or other design on the screen. It was not very impressive, but the age of computers had arrived.

Years later, in my high school computer class I think the teachers were just as clueless as the students about what computers should be used for. There was still no Windows, at least at my school, so again I found myself writing useless programs for a semester. Life went on and eventually, in my sophomore year of college, I took another computer course, dubbed 'Computer Science'. Once more we had to learn about bits and bytes and all that, but they also kept mentioning this thing called the 'internet' and 'email' and how someday everyone would be doing everything with computers, even banking. Yeah right, I thought. One day I finally wandered down to the computer lab and figured out how to log in and get on the internet. Holy Moly. I couldn't believe there hadn't been a bigger deal made over that! How could I not have heard about it sooner??? And email? WOW. Instant gratification. I walked away feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole experience, but I was hooked.

Today, as a stay-at-home mom, my life has been profoundly affected by modern technology. My computer is used to pay bills and file taxes, keep up with family and friends, sell creations in my own shop and of course, write stories in this blog. It's an outlet I can't imagine living without. Being able to shop online is life changing for me. When you don't have to drag three boys from store to store and hope to get the best deal, instead easily comparison shopping online, the cost of shipping is worth every penny.

There's also WebMD, a great source to draw from when one of us get sick (even if it annoys our doctor). And I like to think that life is made a little bit harder for child predators out there since many people know where they live. I love the freedom my computer has given me. Also my iPod, digital camera and DVR. We have saved untold hours of our lives being able to skip past commercials.

However, there is a downside to this hyper-techno culture. Mostly having to do with the boys. Our family has been slow to buy up every electronic toy available for entertainment and I almost wish we hadn't caved in at all. Ever since my son got his Nintendo DS for Christmas, he as all but stopped his writing endeavors. Whenever he has a moment of boredom, he heads straight for his video games. We're beginning to put a stop to that but it still worries me. Sometimes it seems like the things that are supposed to bring us together, the amazing variety of communication and educational gadgets we have, are actually pulling us apart and dumbing us down.

A while back I read a child-psychology book that had an entire chapter dedicated to TV and other electronic influences. By the end of the chapter I was very alarmed and told my husband, "No more TV for the boys. Ever." That was a little extreme, but after what I'd read, it seemed to be the best idea. The book basically said, in very persuasive terms, that by plugging a child into the TV you are stealing the chance for them to develop a rich inner life and depriving their imaginations of room to flourish. Basically, TV cheats them of their childhood. Pretty scary, if you ask me.

But TV is always going to be part of our culture and our home so I just need to manage it better. I'm really trying to cut down on the mindless, obnoxious cartoons the boys love so much. It's been very hard to break the habit of turning it on when they get bored and start jumping on the furniture. Sometimes I really need some time to myself to get things done or just make a phone call uninterrupted, and the TV comes in very handy for that.

At least I know that I'll never buy a car with a TV in it. No matter how convenient it may be for me, I think the boys need that time to just let their minds run wild. A little boredom in the car can lead to new ideas, plans and schemes. I still recall gazing out the window of our blue VW van and daydreaming as we rolled down the road, counting telephone poles and wondering how far they went. Or thinking of a new project to work on when we got home. That's what I want my boys to remember, not reruns of SpongeBob.

So I'll continue my love/hate relationship with all the techno doo-dads in our lives and try to make the best decisions for my kids. Life in the information age can definitely be a blessing and a curse. So until someone comes up with a time machine to take me back to Walnut Grove and be best friends with Laura Ingalls, I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

obama

I wish I could do it, I really do. I wish I could abandon all reason and critical thinking skills and jump on the Obama bandwagon. He's the only politician in recent memory that I actually turn the volume up for when he speaks instead of cringing. Just today I saw an interview with Mike Huckabee that almost put me to sleep. But Obama is on fi-yah and I really enjoyed seeing Hillary get her butt kicked this weekend. If only I could be a fly on her wall right now. It must be pretty intense over at the Clinton camp these days.

It really says something good about our country that we have a woman and an African-American who are serious contenders for the Presidency. America has come a long way and we should be proud of that.

It's very easy to get swept away by Obama's powerful, stirring speaches. He talks about change and hope with heartfelt conviction. He's got a gift and he says all the right things. These days everyone is so divided and tired of the status quo that he seems like a breath of fresh air. I'm a conservative but am no fan of "Dubya." I've been very disappointed in how he has ignored the border crisis and been one of the biggest spending presidents in the past 30 years. As for the war, if we had not gone in Hussein would still be in power, raping and pillaging his people. He would still be thumbing his nose at the impotent UN and proving that no one would do anything about an insane dictator who'd love get his grimy hands on some nukes. So it's hard to say if it was a mistake to go in in the first place. But now that we're there we can't just walk away. If we leave before things are under control, thousands and thousands more innocent people will die. And it will change nothing for us. It's not like the rabid Islamic extremists will say, "Wow, I think I like those pesky Americans now! Let's stop plotting their demise every minute of the day and go get real jobs!" The war will not be over if we leave Iraq. Not even close. But that's the rhetoric that everyone seems to be lapping up from the left. And that's the problem I have with Obama. The main problem, at least.

I'm not one of those nutty people that thinks he is actually a practicing Muslim in disguise. I have, however, heard some things that concern me. I have a feeling he will beat the Clinton machine and get the Dem's nomination and so he needs to be scrutinized very carefully. Here's a clip from an article I read last week talking about the church he attends and the pastor that is Obama's personal spiritual leader, Reverend Wright:

Addressing his congregants last week, Wright was quoted saying that, as president, Bill Clinton had done for black people what he had done to Monica Lewinsky. In a 2006 radio sermon attributed to him and now being circulated on the Internet, Wright lists what he says are America’s evils: its role as the No. 1 killer in the world, its imprisonment of Nelson Mandela, its support for Israel without regard for Palestinians, its radiation experiments on citizens, its creation of the AIDS crisis and its refusal to help blacks in this country.

In the sermon, Wright says America is selfish, self-centered, arrogant and ignorant. “In light of all these facts,” he says, “God has got to be sick of this s***.”


WOW. That is pretty ugly stuff. I know that if I were attending church and my pastor said anything remotely like that, I would be outta there. But instead, here's what Obama said:

"People who are familiar with the black church tradition know that Reverend Wright’s considered one of the greatest preachers in the country. Our church, Trinity United Church of Christ, even though it is part of a 95-, 97-percent white denomination, very much draws on the historical black church tradition, and Reverend Wright’s sermons do as well. And that means that sometimes he’s provocative in ways that I’m not always comfortable with and in ways that I deeply disagree with occasionally,” Obama told the Web site.


Only occasionally????

He also said that:

...he is “proud of Reverend Wright and what he’s done in his life.”

You can read the entire article here, if you're interested.

I don't think I would use the word "proud" in the same sentence as "Reverend Wright", especially if I were running for President.

And oh yeah, it would also be nice if Obama would give some actual specifics about all the hope and change he has in store for America. But I guess when you only allow yourself to be interviewed by Tyra and Ellen, and warm-fuzzy feelings are more valuable than substance, specifics are not required.

earning his keep

Chinese Water Dragons are pretty cool. And captive reptiles really live the life. They get to bask in the sun all day and eat food they barely have to chase. As I enviously watch my son's lizard lounging in his cage, many words come to mind...beautiful, exotic, peaceful...and surprisingly...






Compliant!














Don't worry, this lizard was not harmed in any way. Humiliated, maybe, but not harmed. There aren't too many things to do with a helmet from a Pee Wee Herman doll but here's one of them. Long live compliant lizards!

nature vs. nurture

As a parent I always worry about mistakes I make and how I might affect my children in a bad way. What if I damage them when I lose my temper and yell? Will I break their little spirits when I try to rein them in too much? What if I change the very essence of who they are? But then things happen that reassure me I couldn't change who they are even if I wanted to. They were born a certain way and that's just who they're going to be.

Like Cole, for instance. I've made jokes about him having OCD because he's a lot like me. He's very conscientious and particular. But the other day he really surprised me. Out of nowhere he actually said, "Sometimes my head feels funny if I leave something the wrong way and I have to go back and fix it."

"WHAAAA??" I asked, trying not to sound alarmed that my son has voices in his head telling him what to do.

"Well, if I don't clean up all the pencil shavings or if I drop a paper on the floor, my head feels funny and forces my body to go back and clean it up."

Whoa Nellie.

In some ways I guess I should feel happy that my son is a neat freak, but I really just feel freaked out. But I know I can't change him. He is who he is. He hasn't started compulsively washing his hands, counting his steps (yet), or talking about watching Judge Wapner, so I think he'll be okay.



And then there's Clayton. The middle child. Last weekend we had a couple of the boys' friends over and were waiting for the pizza to arrive. Clayton was angry with his Dad for some reason and said he hated him. My husband said, "It is unacceptable to talk to me that way so until you apologize like you mean it, you get no food."

Once the pizza was delivered and the boys were scrambling for their plates, Clayton looked a little concerned, but still resolved in his stance. He's not one to apologize. But after watching everyone else devour the hot, cheesy pizza he weakened and said, in a barely audible voice, "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" we prodded, trying to get him to admit his wrongdoing. The answer we were hoping for is, 'I'm sorry for saying I hate you, Dad.'

Instead, in true Clayton style, he said, "I'm sorry for hating you."

The boy can't tell a lie.

This is the same boy who, years ago, was having a battle over brushing his teeth. My husband said, "You are going to brush your teeth, and we can do this the easy way or the hard way, it's your choice."

Clayton looked him dead in the eye and said, "Okay, Dad. Let's do it the hard way," and leaned in to be put in a head-lock.

He'll be a Marine for sure.



So if nurturing is the strongest force in shaping a personality, it couldn't be possible for Clayton and Cooper to be related at all, much less be brothers. Cooper is the most easy-going, silly, loving, happy guy. He's in love with me and is not afraid to show it. He's the only one of the boys who loves traditional boy things: Cars, trains, and blocks. And being a monkey.




So I'll still try not to scar or hurt them in any way, but I feel relieved that I'm not solely responsible for how they turn out. Although they were conceived and born from my body, they were created by Someone much greater than I.

january in colorado

You know it's January in Colorado when...

~ They say the high will be 28 degrees and you think, "Great! It's warming up!"

~ Your skin is so pale it's almost translucent but black is the only color you feel like painting your nails.

~ The already grossly obese family cat is gaining weight by the minute and sprawls on his back on the living room floor because he can hardly breathe anymore.

~ You run the risk being crushed by an avalanche of coats, hats, scarves, mittens, and other cold weather gear when you dare open the coat closet.

~ Even your son's lizard refuses to come out of his cave and the crawdad has been in hibernation for five months and counting.

~ Your supply of Burt's Bees, Vaseline and Eucerine is getting very, very low. And your lips are still chapped!

~ When your kids wake up and don't have a cough or runny nose it seems abnormal.

~ After recovering from a recent cold you find you are addicted to Benadryl and can hardly sleep without it now. Bourbon helps ;-)

~ The voice in your head telling you to just "eaaatttt and sleeeep" is winning out over the voice that tells you to get to the gym.

~ When you wake up and the driveway doesn't need shoveling you think, "There goes my exercise for the day."

~ You actually miss the Texas summer (you know you've really lost it now).


I must remember how glorious the Colorado spring, summer and fall are! It will all be worth it soon...

Well in about four months anyway.

winter "wonderland"

This is what our cul-de-sac looked like a year ago after two consecutive blizzards:



Those are all my neighbors digging their way out of several feet of snow since the snow plows had bigger fish to fry. And here are the boys and me in front of the pile my poor husband had to shovel from our driveway:



Thank goodness we haven't seen anything like that this year! It has been snowing consistently though. Every time the grass starts to show again it doesn't last for long. I'm getting a little winter weary so I'm going to try and focus on the good things about it.

Like the new sledding hill we found!







And building forts!





So to borrow a little poem from Roy McKie and P.D. Eastman, in their profound book that I have had the honor of reading hundreds of times entitled, Snow:

Snow! Snow!
Come out in the snow!

Snow! Snow!
Just look at the snow!
Come out! Come out!
Come out in the snow!

I want to know
If you like snow.
Do you like it?
Yes or no?

Oh yes! Oh yes!
I do like snow!





Well at least the boys do. And that's what counts!

angels, ghosts and the devil inside

When I was in first grade, I awoke one night to see an angel sitting on my bed. We had a conversation, the contents of which I don't remember, and then I fell back to sleep. Then I distinctly remember dreaming about a line of angels in white gowns carrying candles, walking slowly in an unbroken circle around and through our church. As if they were guarding it. I remember telling my first grade teacher, Mrs. Sisson, about it the next day.

"I saw an angel last night," I said.

"Really?" She replied, but then changed the subject. Even as a six year-old I understood that she didn't believe me, but I didn't mind. I knew.

A couple of other small but strange things happened when I was very young. One day, on the way to my piano lesson in downtown Leavenworth, Kansas, I asked my mom if she'd ever seen anyone on a motorcycle get hit by a car . She said no. After my lesson was over that day, I recall walking down the street with her and hearing the sound of sirens. I knew in my gut what it was. As we came around the corner, a motorcycle was laying in the street and a man was being taken away in an ambulance.

On another day I was at the movies with a friend of mine. That was back when it was safe to drop your kid off at the theater alone and I was still no older than eight. My friend and I went to buy some candy and when the cashier added the tax, we were short a penny. Without even thinking, I walked over to a corner of the foyer, pulled back a loose piece of carpet, and found a penny there. It was sticky but I handed it proudly to the woman and my friend and I walked away with our candy.

I don't recall any other unexplained psychic events since then. Maybe as an adult my head has become full of other noises. Maybe I don't have enough quiet to really listen anymore.

But one thing I have discovered over the last couple of years is the show, Ghost Hunters. It has been my guilty pleasure to watch as often as I can. I love Jason and Grant and believe they are honest, skeptical guys who are just looking for answers. They have each had experiences with the paranormal that propelled them into their field, stories they won't tell anyone. I watch the show out of curiosity and wonder. I am a Christian and I believe in Heaven and Hell. But I also think there is an "in-between". Not purgatory, but something else. As a child I was taught that anything "in-between" is either demonic or angelic, and I don't think that is completely false, just maybe not totally true. I think it's more complicated than that.

From the show and other things I've read, I've become familiar with residual hauntings, intelligent hauntings, human and non-human entities and just plain old energy. Since energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it only makes sense that it would be around even when our bodies are no longer living.

But why and how can it hang around?

Recently I was watching the show and thought to myself, 'I would love to go on a hunt with the Ghost Hunters!' I pictured myself in the dark with my EVP recorder and thermal camera, stalking down the halls of some ancient corridor. 'I feel a cold spot! My batteries are being sucked dry!' I would whisper...then see a full bodied apparition appear before my eyes...

Not long after that fantasy crossed my mind, I came across a website advertising the Ghost Hunters "Spring Thaw" retreat at none other than the Stanley hotel, here in Colorado. Less than two hours from where I live! It is even on my birthday weekend! But it is not cheap. I sheepishly mentioned it to my husband (begged) and he graciously told me to get a ticket. It will be my birthday present.

The Stanley is the place where Steven King wrote The Shining and it is the site of more than one very exciting episode of the Ghost Hunters show. There are ghost children who play in the halls of the fourth floor. There are spirits who open closet doors, grab your wedding ring off the bedside table and disappear into the closet, never to be found. There are ghosts in the basement and ghosts in the ballroom. And I can't wait to see what happens!

Thankfully, I have a very good friend who is also completely intrigued with the whole thing and she is going to share a room with me for that weekend. We will get to go to seminars, meet the celebrities, and even go ghost hunting with them from 10pm until 2am one night. Sadly, we have no real equipment, but at least we can scrounge up a camcorder and digital camera.

I really just want to see if anything happens. I'm not sure exactly why, but I think it may answer some questions for me. Or create new ones.

reflecting on 2007

I normally don't really do anything to mark the new year but this time I'm going to participate in a meme from Babs' blog, just for fun! Here goes...

What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
This was actually a great for me. I started running in March and ran my first 5K in September. I also started a small (very, very small) home business.

Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't do resolutions.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Almost everyone! My sister-in-law, my best friend and my neighbor. All healthy, beautiful babies!

Did anyone close to you die?
The mom of one of my close friends.

What countries did you visit?
None and I'm really not disappointed about that.

What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None in particular.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing weight and getting back in shape.

What was your biggest failure?
Gaining some of it back over the holidays :-o

Did you suffer illness or injury?
None, and that's something I'm very grateful for.

What was the best thing you bought?
A soldering iron, glass and colored paper..to make pendants with.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Britney. Paris. Li Lo.

Where did most of your money go?
Cost of living! No fun at all...

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Making a trip to Texas by myself in November to visit some good friends and see one of them run a marathon. That same friend just qualified for the Boston marathon on New Years day! Congrats, Jen! Twenty-six miles in three hours and 35 minutes..you are AWESOME!

What song will always remind you of 2007?
Big Hard Sun- Eddie Vedder

Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
I am thinner, happier and better off financially. Woo hoo!!!

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Savoring each moment instead of constantly planning the next big task.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Having to deal with cafeteria ladies, dentists and other pains in my a**.

Did you fall in love in 2007?
Every day ;-) With my husband, of course!

How many one-night stands?
Not necessary :-O Believe me.

What was your favorite TV program?
Ghost Hunters.

What was the best book you read?
It's hard to decide between Water for Elephants and The Memory Keeper's Daughter.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rodrigo y Gabriella, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, Loudon Wainwright III, Eddie Vedder.

What did you want and get?
A ticket to the Ghost Hunter Spring Thaw at the Stanley Hotel!!!!

What did you want and not get?
A camcorder.

What was your favorite film of this year?
No Country for Old Men.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34 and went on a date with my husband.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Becoming independently wealthy, of course!

What kept you sane?
Exercise, a new creative outlet, my husband and bourbon (not necessarily in that order).

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None. I can't stand celebrities.

What political issue stirred you the most?
The border crisis and how we are being overrun by people who sneak into our country, expect us to educate their children, pay thir hospital bills and still don't have the courtesy to learn our language. And to make it worse we accomodate them for political and economic reasons and actually make it easier for them to live here and not learn the language!!! Can you tell this pisses me off?

ALSO, the fact that as soon as things started turning around in Iraq because of the surge, all of a sudden you hear nothing about it in the press. I can almost hear the crickets chirping...

Who did you miss?
My friends in Texas.

Who was the best new person you met?
Believe it or not, I have come to know my husband's ex-girlfriend over the last couple of months (long story) and she is really cool! If she lived near me I think we'd hang out a lot. She is one of the only friends I have that understands my political angst.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
I learned that there is nothing to be afraid of. Life it too short to not try something new or make a new friend. Also, I've learned to be proactive with my emotional health. When I feel the blues coming on, I hit the trails and work it out through running.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Actually, I'll use an entire song:

The Middle
hey
don't write yourself off yet
it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
just try your best
try everything you can
and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away


hey you know they're all the same
you know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in
live right now
just be yourself
it doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else


it just takes some time
little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
everything everything will be just fine
everything everything will be all right


do your best
do everything you can
don't you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say


Happy New Year!!!!