friends

As I walked down the street with a mint plant in one hand and my son's tiny hand in the other, I felt a little apprehensive. We were on our way over to our new neighbor's house. A neighbor with a son the same age as mine. I'd met her at the bus stop and she seemed very nice, but still, it can be tricky making new friends. You just never know if someone is going to 'get' you. What if she thought I was a dork? What if she was a dork? What if she was one of those moms I can't stand who is way over involved with her kids? I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. There was only one way to find out.


I'll admit it. I'm very picky when it comes to friends. I'm hard on people and expect a lot. And I don't click with just anyone. I'm drawn to women who are smart, down-to-earth, and funny. Funny is a must-have quality. To me, laughing is very, very important.

I've been blessed with many great friends throughout my life, most of them I still keep in touch with. There's J, who I've known since we were babies. She's one of the strongest people I know and inspires me in many ways. She's a marathon runner and one of the most disciplined people I know. She basically makes me feel like a slacker most of the time but I love her for it.

Then there's M, a childhood friend who grew up on the same street as I did. We spent afternoons riding bikes, spying on my little brother, and hanging out at the local cemetery. I could tell her anything and she would not judge. That was the case 25 years ago and is still the case today. The girl gives good, solid advice and is one of the best listeners I know. She's also an awesome mom, no surprise.

I also have fond memories of another childhood friend, L. During our middle school and high school years I practically lived with her for days on end. Her family was so much fun and made the best food. I would hang around until dinner, hoping to get fed, and thankfully they didn't mind sharing. We spent weekends out on their boat, water-skiing all day and then we'd go back to her house, sunburned and exhausted and stay up until four in the morning talking about boys. She still makes me laugh now, even though she's recently become a single mom with an enormous amount of stress to deal with. I hope I do the same for her.

Once I got to college I met a new life-long friend, T. She was wild and carefree and got me to relax a little. Okay, a lot. We lived together for four years without a single fight. I still love to see her when I get to Texas because I know it will be just like old times. Never mind that we both have husbands and kids now, she makes me feel like my old self, back in our college days: Funny, young and hopeful.

During my first years as a Mom I was very isolated and exhausted and I didn't really make any new friends. There were casual, play-date kinds of relationships but nothing meaningful. I went along like that for so long that I didn't even realize what I was missing out on. But when we moved to Colorado, a few new friendships were in store for me.

My first friend in Colorado was S, the wife of my husband's co-worker and good friend. At first I was thinking I would be "forced" to be friends with her since our husbands were intertwined. But after one meal with her at the California Pizza Kitchen, I knew I liked her. She was simple, like me, and ordered a plain pepperoni instead of the other fru-fru food on the menu. Since then I've seen her become new mom to a beautiful boy from China. They are our boys' godparents are we are their son's. I guess when you click with someone, you just click.

Another friendship evolved with a neighbor, J, who was a few years younger that I and up to her eyeballs in babies. When I met her she had one toddler and a baby on the way. But it wasn't long before the third one arrived. I went to see her recently and felt like I had taken a trip back in time to when I was completely swallowed up by the needs of children. With two in school I feel like my life is a piece of cake now. Seeing her flutter around, in constant motion: Feeding, cleaning, putting them down for naps, it was exhausting! It made me appreciate her more and also realize just how hard I worked in the last few years to get my boys to the point they're at now. I think it's a good idea to have friends who are older and younger than yourself. It gives you great perspective!

My friendship with anther neighbor, B, kind of snuck up on me. We lived across the street from each other for two years before we really started talking. It turned out we were a lot alike. We both liked our space, almost to the point where we missed out on getting to know each other. With a husband who travels a lot, she is extremely independent. She inspires me by how much effort she puts into her two sons. She goes way above and beyond and also makes me feel like a slacker (join the club). She's also very funny and interesting to talk to, especially after a few glasses of wine.

The most unlikely friendship started almost a year ago. Through an online website, I heard from my husband's old flame, C. She was the girl he had considered marrying before we ended up together. Even after years of marriage, I had wondered about her and been curious about the "other woman" my husband had loved. How could he possible have loved anyone but me? Turns out she is very smart, funny and interesting to correspond with. She's a stay-at-home mom, too, and loves to write. I look forward to hearing from her because I know she's going to have something insightful or sarcastic to say. We've gotten to know each other strictly through email, exchanging recipes, discussing politics and keeping up with each other's daily lives. It freaks my husband out, of course, but he's learned to live with it. You just never know where you're going to meet a friend.

Sometimes it's someone from the past who you might re-connect with to forge a new friendship out of old roots. I recently heard from an old high school acquaintance who was on the dance team with me. She was pretty much the only girl I liked on the dance team. Turns out she lives in Colorado, too, less than two hours away. We had her and her family over for dinner the other night and it was so much fun. We'd both changed as far as being more outspoken, especially me, since I was painfully shy in high school. But mostly we were the same, even after 17 years. We're going camping together next month and I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of each other.

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My neighbor answered the door and we went in, our sons running off to play together without even looking back. We made some small talk about owning 80's houses and laughed about our popcorn ceilings. It didn't take long to learn we had a lot in common. She was an artist, too, and they had a house full of various pets. When I handed her the mint plant she gasped and said, "I was just saying I needed a mint plant the other day! I guess I should wish for things more often."

As we sat in her shady backyard watching the boys play in the sand box, I realized I had been blessed yet again to have a new woman, a new friend come into my life. And a friend that lives just down the street!

When I was a Brownie we sang a song that said, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." I don't know about silver and gold, but to me they're all priceless.