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Location: Colorado, United States

I'm a 38 year-old mother of three who was blessed enough to marry the right guy. I like to paint and create strange things out of clay and also read, write, run, drink and laugh. I have no idea where the time is going.

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Thursday, October 23, 2008

two americas

There's a theory floating around out there that there are actually "Two Americas," one in which opportunity reigns and the other in which people still live under oppression. I personally don't there are two Americas in that context but I do see a division that I don't think can be overcome.

Some may remember how a few months ago Senator Biden proposed a plan in which Iraq would be split into two or three sections since the Sunnis and Shias and what not could not live together in peace. Obviously, as far as Iraq was concerned, that was a retarded idea. It has since been proven that the Iraqis can get along (even though the American media has decided not to report that story). Anyway, I thought I might steal Biden's idea and try it out here in the good ol' USA, because as I see it our country is so divided there's no way we can co-exist in peace any longer.

In my proposed plan, we'll take the West coast and call it Amer and the East Coast will from here on be referred to as Ica. Everyone who leans to the left can migrate toward the West and the right, to the East. Makes sense to me.

I'd now like to paint a portrait of what each new country would look like.

In Amer, the Liberal nation, anything goes. Since people who choose to live in Amer don't want to feel guilty over anything but things that happened at least a hundred years ago, there is no right or wrong. Moral relativism reigns.

As far as abortion goes, they are free, paid for by the government. Not only can they be performed at any time during a pregnancy, they can be performed up to a year after a baby is born because as any mother knows, that first year is a son-of-a-bitch and there's no way a newborn could be considered "viable" anyway. The way they completely rely on their parents for food, shelter and love, how dare they? It's just plain unreasonable.

As for borders in Amer, there are none, except the one that exists right down the middle, between Amer and Ica. They allow a free flow of immigrants from the North and South, West- but not East because of those darn Icas. Since people who live in Amer are ever so compassionate and morally superior, they are thrilled to pay for the education, health care and incarcerations of the people who flow into their fledgling country. It makes them feel like good people (especially after the whole baby killing thing). And who cares if the new people assimilate by learning the language of everyone else??? It's not nice to expect that of them.

When it comes to the military, the Amers have none. A military force is way too aggressive and powerful and might just offend other countries who might like the Amers. Being liked is of the utmost importance. They'd rather get bombed by terrorists and win the pity of the world than defend themselves. And besides, even if they wanted a military it'd be hard to find any men to join since they'd all be castrated. Anyone knows that in order to lift women up, you must tear men down, and what better way than to cut off their manhood??? Duh.

Amers have all faith in their government, to whom they've surrendered all personal responsibilty and power. They own no guns, no property and pay their entire paychecks to the government directly. Direct deposit, even, it makes it soooo much easier.

Things in Amer look pretty good for a while. They don't mind hearing about the Icas on the other side of the barbed wire fence, who are prospering and thriving. The Amers have done away with all traditional ways. There is no more marriage and no more God. It's just fun from here on out!

But as anyone with common sense could predict, the fun soon wears thin. The Amers soon find themselves bankrupt. Who would have though that unlimited government programs with unlimited population growth wouldn't work? Especially when no one's working any more. Why work when the government takes it all? And why work when the government will take care of you???

Soon they are overtaken by the barbarians from France and forced to learn a new language. No fair!! The Amers are completely perplexed as to where they went wrong. But logic and reason are not their strong suit. They prefer to feel everything, and they do feel so very deeply. God bless 'em.

And God bless Ica.