personal revelation

What does your sexuality mean to you?

Is it strictly a means of making babies? Something to be subdued and controlled? Is it a negative thing, something you avoid and dread, or something you find fun, exciting and fulfilling? It is your way of showing affection to the person you love? A way to relieve stress and burn a few calories? A great way to make up after a fight. Whatever it is to you, that's your business.

When it comes to the Bible and God, I've always thought that the guidelines given are for our own good, not just to keep us from having fun. When followed, they can protect us and keep us from hurting ourselves and others with the powerful force know as sex. Sexuality is a gift and a huge part of who we are as humans. It is something that can enrich our lives and relationships when used in the 'right ways' or tear us apart and break hearts when we abuse it.

Lately, for the last few months actually, there's been something weighing on my heart and mind. Something that's tearing apart the church and even dividing the country. Homosexuality.

As a Christian, I was raised with the teachings that say homosexuality is an abomination to God. Meaning it is repulsive, unnatural and wrong. I was told that it is a choice. That gay people can change if they really want to. And why wouldn't they? It must be hell to live a life that a majority of Americans frowns and even spits upon.

But as I've grown older and lived a little, my opinion has started to change. I've heard things that made me wonder. For instance, there are scientific studies that show homosexuality is a genetic trait. Looking back, there were homosexual children I went to school with that were obviously gay, even as far back as third grade. I'm sure they didn't know it until later, but everyone around them did. I also learned that homosexuality is not limited to humans but is seen in the animal kingdom.

But most of all, I've seen the hatred, fear, and anger expressed toward the gay community. Most of that hatred coming from the Christian community.

Wait a doggone minute. I thought Jesus explicitly told us to love each other and not to be the judge? What happened to that? Wasn't Jesus the one who embraced the outcasts of society and showered them with compassion and love? Why is it okay to ignore the entire message of the Bible when it comes to gay people??? Homophobia boils down to fear and loathing. That doesn't sound like the message God was sending.

Christians do a lot of good in the world and it's a shame that this issue is dividing them and alienating them from the rest of society. Because of it, they are often perceived as hateful, intolerant and judgmental. I know that if I was gay I would feel very resentful and hurt by what is said by Christians. I would not want anything to do with their God. Why do they hold so tight to a message that goes against everything else the Bible teaches? No wonder people are leaving the church in droves.

I did more research and found out that homosexuality is only mentioned about 12 times in the Bible and never by Jesus himself. In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, the men who brought the wrath of God down on their city were not just gay, they were rapists who wanted to rape the angels who were visiting. There's a huge difference in that, to me.

But the most prominent passages used against homosexuals are in Leviticus. In chapter 20, it says that if a man lies with a man as with a woman, he should be put to death. Interestingly enough, the verses before and after that also say that adulterers and people who curse their father or mother should be put to death. We surely don't follow those guidelines anymore, do we? If so, half the country would be dead! Leviticus chapter 18, verse 22 is the clincher that most Christians love to quote, that it is an abomination for a man to sleep with another man.

A few days ago I came across a documentary called For the Bible Tells Me So. After determining it wasn't a Christian bashing movie along the lines of Jesus Freaks, I rented it out. After watching it with my husband, I felt so relieved! All the inner-turmoil and questions I've been having were addressed in this film. It gave me a look into the lives of families who dealt with the gay issue first hand. It was fascinating and enlightening, even for someone watching it with a skeptical eye. There were also interviews with everyone from Dick Gephardt to Desmond Tutu.

One story was from the perspective of a mother whose daughter was a lesbian. When the daughter "came out" to her mom, her admission was met with the attitude her mother had learned from Dr. James Dobson, a man her mother had listened to for years. After the rejection she faced from her family, the woman hanged herself. (I have read one of Dobson's books, Bringing Up Boys, and thought it was almost comical how he really believed one of his gay friends had been "cured." And after his miraculous conversion he was only caught in a gay bar one time, but went back to living happily with his wife. Seriously, he believed that.)

The movie also told the life story of Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Bishop in the Anglican Church and how he came to that position. He actually had to wear a bulletproof vest on the day he became Bishop and the hate mail he received could curl you toenails. It was unbelievable. We were members of the Episcopal Church back when that happened and I remember that many members of the church quit on the spot.

One of the things I took away from the movie the was understanding that the Bible should be interpreted by the context and culture of the day in which it was written. For instance, in biblical times the word "abomination" did not mean what it means to us today. It meant "that which is forbidden or unclean according to the religion," or was a violation of cultural norms. Things change, believe it or not. It is not okay for men to have more than one wife as it was in those times. And men don't "acquire" their wives anymore, either. In most modern cultures women actually have a say about who they marry and are not owned. Slavery is another instance of something that was "okay" back then. Once again, not okay anymore, thank God.

One of the most profound things I heard was from Desmond Tutu, who summed up everything I have been struggling with. He said, "I can't for the life of me imagine that God would say, 'I will punish you because you are black- you should have been white. I will punish you because you are a woman- you should have been a man. I will punish you because you are a homosexual- you should have been a heterosexual."

I have come to the conclusion that all loving, committed, monogamous relationships should be honored. Straight people who sleep around or use other people for their own gratification are just as despicable as gay people who do the same. I am not defending the freaks that parade around naked for the gay pride parade in San Francisco, I'm standing up for the homosexual people who love their partners and just want to have a normal happy life. There are just as many, if not more, hetero perverts and pond-scum as homo perverts and pond-scum. And with the divorce rate over 50%, straight people aren't exactly noble and perfect, are they? Like Dolly Parton once said, "Sure gay people should be able to get married..they should have a chance to be as miserable as the rest of us!"

Even if it was actually up to me to be the judge (and it's not), I would rather err on the side of compassion and love than on the side of hate and intolerance. I don't want to be a Pharisee, upholding my understanding of the letter-of-the-law rather than honoring the spirit of it. If you're on the same side of the issue as Iran's Ahmadinejad, you might want to re-think your stance. But then again, there are no homosexuals in Iran so he doesn't even have anyone to hate.




I think that in time our nation will come through this. One day we'll look back at the persecution of this group like we look at slavery and the oppression of women. We'll wonder how in the world the Word of God was interpreted in such a way to justify such hatred, intolerance and injustice.