i'm gonna miss this

I had just dropped off all three boys at their respective Tuesday morning classes and could hear the call of Freedom as I peeled out of the parking lot and watched the school get smaller in my sideview mirror (I had no rearview mirror anymore thanks to some monkey who'd torn it off a few years back-I won't name any names). It was one of the two mornings a week I got two whole hours to myself with no children and my mind was racing as to how I should best spend it...Should I shop? Work out? Blog? Play with clay? The possibilities were endless.

Lately I'd been having more than my share of those days when I was awakened by demanding little boys and thought to myself, 'Just 14 hours until they go to sleep again and I can have some peace!' I had a stack of books on my bedside table I'd been unable to get to, hours of movies and shows on the DVR still unseen, and untold numbers of ideas floating around my head that evaporated as soon as I heard whining and fighting. The time I spent on my computer keeping up with friends and my online shop were overshadowed by the guilt I felt for not paying 100% attention during that time. The lyrics to "the Cat's in the Cradle" ran through my head several times a day, at least.

I turned the radio on and was thinking how wonderful it was to actually hear it for once since there was no sibling rivalry to deal with in the back seat, when a song came on that I'd never heard before. It was called, "You're Gonna Miss This." By the end of it I was in tears, blubbering like a baby. Damn that country music! How I hated to be emotionally manipulated by a hokey song! But it was a good one, at least.


It really seems like yesterday that I was in high school, even though it's been 17 years now. And in 17 more my youngest will be 21, and my oldest 25. And who knows, I might even be a grandparent.


There are so many things I don't want to take for granted as a mother. Moments that slip away and can never be brought back. Like hearing Cooper's stream-of-consciousness thoughts as soon as he walks out the door from pre-school, telling me about the snack he had and the art he made, what his teacher said and who he played with. I'll especially miss holding his soft, warm little boy hand in mine. He's the only one who still allows me that pleasure.

I'll miss waking up to my husband's handsome face and then seeing small replicas of him come plodding into our room in footed PJ's, climbing into bed to snuggle or wrestle like bear cubs as soon as they shake the sleep off. One with his face, one with his build and one with his love of words.

I'll miss their baby voices and how Clayton still says 'gwull' instead of girl. And how Cooper loves to use the word 'except', but instead pronounces it 'ec-sumpt.'

I'll miss hearing Cole's stories and poems and what he dreamed about the night before, always recounting it in vivid detail. I'll miss seeing the look on his face when he learns a new word that's just what he was looking for. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he turns out to be famous some day.

It will be sad when no one gets excited when the trash truck comes or a plane flies overhead. "Mom! Mom! Look!" with tiny fingers pointing high. And what will I do when they no longer want to go to the zoo or a park with me, instead choosing to hang out with their friends.

I'll miss having drawers full of crayons, play-doh, construction paper and glue and walls filled with colorful children's art. I may even miss the plastic toys I trip over all the time that somehow always stab me in the soft part on the bottom of my feet. Maybe not.

But one of the things I'll miss the most is living with a group of little people that still assumes the world is good and people always mean well. I wish I was still a child in so many ways. And I wish my boys' childhoods could last for many more years.


The words ring true:

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this



I am going to miss this part of my life when it's gone. The kisses, the smiles, even the rivalry between brothers. Small boys, together under my roof, safe and sound. These truly are some good times.