extended family

Sometimes, a lot of times actually, I feel like I was born at the wrong time. The 21st century just isn't for me. I don't like new houses with their miles and miles of white sheetrocked walls. I like old, rickety, musty homes with real hardwood woods. I don't like technical thingies. I don't own a flatscreen tv, an iPod, a laptop and I just don't care about them. I am grateful for the internet, of course, but I could live without it if I had to.

I've read a couple books in the past few months that talk a lot about how in the American "old days" and in many other cultures still, extended family is a huge part of life. When a new baby is born into a family, the mother, sisters, aunts and grandmothers are there to support the new mother, offering advice and helping out with the huge task of raising a child. Children have many adult role models within their family to look up to and learn from and parents have the emotional support they need to best raise healthy kids.

It seems that our society has become very individualistic in recent decades. Now, parents are expected to do it all on their own. Discipline, teach, love and all the other work that goes along with parenting. It's a huge undertaking and going it alone puts a strain on parents, marriages and children. I'm willing to bet that the divorce rate has risen because this seperation of family.

Sometimes, lack of extended family is not a matter of choice. People often have to move far away from their family because of jobs. But a lot of times, even if family is nearby, people are still in their own little bubbles. Often grandparents are afraid to "butt in" and give advice. And a lot of parents like it that way. We may not realize the value of their experience and how much we can benefit from it, or how much our children could. And so we happily turn our children over to daycares and our aging parents over to nursing homes. And everyone is so damn lonely and can't figure out why.

One of the solutions I read about is simply to build a new "extended family" around yourself. People that are not blood relatives but people you can still count on when you need help. I'm happy to say we've had some success in this area since moving out-of-state. I have a wonderful neighbor who I can call if my kids are sick and she'll help in any way she can. Although we are both very self-reliant, we have let down our guard and reached the level that we can borrow humidifiers and vacuum cleaners from each other when necessary. We also have another set of friends we really enjoy that our sons have pretty much adopted into the family. Our two year-old even calls them "Gram Gram" since he associates that with family. We are thankful for them all.

Basically, we need all the help we can get. And it feels good to help other parents out, too. I just wish that as a society we could go back a few dozen years and remember that people are what matter. Not the rat race so many of us are running toward a finish line that will be here before we know it. We need to turn off the cell phone, iPods, even the computers and really, truly connect.