back to school

It's been almost two weeks since school started up and we're finally settling into the new routine. To my total surprise, the little guy loves pre-school and actually cries on mornings that his brothers go to school and he doesn't. He wants me to talk to his teachers to see if he can go every day. I am dumbfounded. The other two used to hang on my legs and scream for mercy every time I dropped them off for the first two months. This guy is too easy. He puts on his backpack with pride and doesn't even look back when I go. It makes me proud and sad at the same time.




I have no pictures I can post of the older two on their first day of school because there are other kids in the pictures and I don't have their parents' permission. But to sum it up, they are all doing well in school so far and I think the year is going to fly by again.

As for me, I might actually have a life beyond children soon! I've signed up for a pottery class, a "Butts & Guts" fitness class, and a Bible Study Fellowship class, all beginning in a week or two. Also, I actually registered for my first 5K run that will be in about three weeks from now. I don't know why but I'm really nervous about it. I have a feeling I'll be left in the dust by the other runners. But I guess my goal will be just to cross the finish line...

breaking up is hard to do

My life changed forever this week. I will never be the same. It was something I had to do, something I had been planning on for a long time but just was waiting for the right time to make my move. It's embarrassing to admit the standard I was putting up with but here goes: I upgraded from dial-up to high-speed internet. Go ahead and laugh. I know I was the last person in the world to do it but I had my reasons. Notifying everyone from my friends and family to my library and the boys' school of my new email address seemed like too much trouble. But I finally did it and I will never look back.

When I changed my ISP I went ahead and switched my phone and cable to get a really great "bundle" deal. That meant that I had to call and cancel our other services. And I have to ask, since when do people get stalked for changing services? First, I called Earthlink. "How are you doing," the friendly rep asked. "Fine, and you?" I replied. "Well, not too good since I hear you're thinking about leaving the Earthlink family." She said it with genuine disappointment in her voice. Like she was thinking about crying. I actually felt guilty for a moment about leaving my "family" but then immediately switched to defensive mode, feeling that the rest of the call was not going to be any easier. I was right. She did everything but offer sexual favors (I'm sure she does that for the guys) if only I would stay. I finally extricated myself from her web of emotional manipulation and hung up. I then asked my husband if he would please call to cancel with Dish Network because I was emotionally drained from Earthlink. He did and called me back to report that they had done everything short of calling him a dumbass for switching to cable. They warned him: 'You can never come back to us if you leave. And if you dare have the audacity to try you'll have to pay deposits and the first and last month's bills up front.' They said that cable sucked and we would be disappointed. They were just plain rude. But he held strong and did not give in.

So then the phone calls started. All week there has been a "tollfree" number showing up on my caller ID that I figured was a telemarketer. I finally answered out of curiosity and turns out, it's the Dish Network. Calling to find out ever so sweetly why we left them and what they could do to make it up to us? She promised a golden deal with no activation fee and all the movie channels for free if we would come back. What happened to never being able to go back? I wondered. I thanked her for her pathetic offer and hung up. Then I went to get the mail and guess what. There's a letter there from Dish that actually said in big red letters: "LET'S TRY AGAIN! We want to help you! It's never too late!" And goes on to outline the plan by which we can get out of our new deal and return to them.

Now I've gone through a few breakups in high school and college and I can tell you, they are going about it all wrong. If you get dumped, the last thing you do is let on that you want the person back. That is the biggest turn off in the world. If they would answer breezily, "You want to cancel? Okay, see you later." Then people would think, "Oh crap, that was too easy. They must not need me. Maybe I'm not good enough for them? Do they have someone else??" And they'd call back immediately to get reinstated. But I think I'll keep that info to myself and enjoy their groveling for a while longer. But if my house gets papered or my tires get slashed, I have to draw the line there. It's hard to be in the middle of a love triangle but I'm doing my best.

the big D

What do you do when the man you've shared your life with for over a decade, the father of your children, your soul mate, decides to walk away without even discussing it? Without even giving it a chance with the help of a counselor. Without even considering that he's not only breaking your heart but the innocent hearts of your little boys.

Last week I heard the shocking news from one of my childhood friends that she and her husband will be getting a divorce. I've known her for over 25 years and was the maid of honor in their wedding over 11 years ago. I just couldn't believe it. I still don't.

Divorce is never a good thing, whether there are children involved or not, but when there are it makes it so much worse. Her sons are almost the same age as mine and I can't imagine the hurt and confusion on their faces if we tried to explain to them that "Daddy isn't going to live here anymore." It makes me sick just thinking about it. I've read somewhere before that "Divorce undermines a child's natural assumption that familial relationships are binding." And most adults who have parents who divorced recall it as one of the defining events of their lives.

When there's abuse or unfaithfulness involved, that's a whole different story. But when a spouse is faithful, loving and a good parent, it's just wrong to walk away. I've known of people who left because they were "not in love anymore" or thought the grass was greener somewhere else. I've known people who left because they were basically bored and so self-centered that their personal gratification came above their children's welfare.

This is the first time I've seen divorce with children involved this close up and it is ugly, ugly, ugly. There's just no other way to describe it. So to anyone out there considering it without just cause, please grow up, get some counseling and don't ruin the lives of anyone around you out of your own damn selfishness.

As for my friend, thankfully she has the support of her family and many friends and I know she'll come through this. But she'll never be the same and her boys will never understand why their dad flaked out. There's no excuse. Period.

5

He is the quintessential boy,
all snips and snails & puppy dog tails.



A modern day Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn rolled into one:
Adventurous, fearless, industrious.



A dichotomy of a boy:
Brooding, dark and strong,
silly, sweet and loving.



A confident, nurturing Big Brother
and watchful, insecure Little Brother.
The Middle Child.



All these things you are
and more you will become.

But for now you're still mine
and how on Earth did you get to be 5?

Happy Birthday Claytie. You're one of a kind and our family wouldn't have been the same without you. I can't wait to see what you do with your life because I know for certain it will be good and it will be exciting to watch (just please, for my sake, wait until you're legal to do the really crazy stuff.)

You are very loved.