portrait of a thirty-five year old woman on a ghost hunt

First of all, to those of you who read my last post and didn't immediately contact me to say, "Hello Nicole, you're forgetting a FLASHLIGHT!" I will never forgive you.

Now, I will tell you about my trip. This will be a long post so sit back, kick up your feet and be prepared. I'm still processing everything I saw and heard and feel pretty emotional about the whole thing. It really was a trip of a lifetime for me.

At the retreat, they asked us to consider our motivation for taking time out of our lives and spending the money to participate in an event like the Spring Thaw at the Stanley. Was it curiosity? Thrill-seeking? Or soul searching and confirmation about the afterlife? For me, it was a mixture of all three (with time away from children thrown in as well).

I met up with my fellow ghost hunter, S, on Thursday afternoon and after lunch we headed toward the mountains and beautiful Estes Park. The drive itself seemed to set the mood for our adventure as it was almost ethereal, the pine trees white with snow and a low fog hanging around in the valleys next to the winding road. We discussed our plans and how we might create our own paranormal investigative team and call ourselves the Colorado Rocky Mountain Paranormal Society (CRMPS for short). Yes, the Cramps. It was perfect.

As the Stanley came into view it was breathtaking. I'd been to Estes once before but somehow missed seeing it. From a distance it was striking. A stark white building with a red roof, set back close to an amazing rock formation. We were so excited we could have burst!



We parked and headed inside where we discovered everyone else had been as geeked out as we were and showed up exactly on time. The line of people wound its way through the lobby and we made our way to the end. We met a really cool girl in line who was there by herself from Houston. She asked if she could hang with us for the rest of the weekend and we said sure. We found out there were 200 hundred people there and the entire hotel belonged to our group for the weekend. I was really surprised to see that at least 85% of the crowd looked totally normal and friendly. There were only a few unstable/goth-like characters lurking around. The crowd was a demographic cocktail with people of all ages, education levels and socio-economic status.

When we checked-in we found out we'd been assigned a room on the 4th floor, the one I'd requested. It's supposed to be the most haunted floor, where countless people have reported hearing children playing in the hallway and rolling a ball. After getting our badges and signing up for a ghost tour we went up to our room and were not disappointed. It was huge and had views of the mountains from two windows.




After settling in we headed down to the meeting room for the first event, a "Tech Talk" with the Ghost Hunters, Jason and Grant. The room was buzzing with excitement and when they came in you could hear people whispering, "There they are! There they are!" It was so cool to see them in person. Their talk was very entertaining and humorous and they really worked the crowd. Then they opened it up for questions. One smart-ass in the audience asked, "Grant, exactly what is an EVP?" which was pretty funny since they explain that on each and every episode of Ghost Hunters. It was also funny to find out that the Ghost Hunters and most people that watch them think the guys over on the show Paranormal State are a joke. When someone asked if they believed in 3am being "dead time" a collective groan went up from the crowd. Personally, I've always wanted to know about the experiences that triggered their interest in the paranormal and transformed them from Roto-Rooter plumbers to rock stars, but alas, they would still not share that with the public. All Grant would say was that no one would believe him if he told his story. It must be really wild.

After the Q&A we ran out to grab some dinner and have a drink or two before the meet and greet/autograph signing. It was my 35th birthday after all so we had to celebrate! We stopped at a liquor store to grab some bourbon (who wants to pay full price at the bar?) and the store employee noticed my badge. After explaining to him why we were at the Stanley he asked me, "So do you believe in ghosts?" Well duh! I said yes and he just stared at me with a curious look. Seriously, who doesn't believe in ghosts???

After returning to the hotel I gathered my things to be signed, grabbed my presents for the Ghost Hunters, and we headed back to the meeting room. We were near the front of the line and I was strangely very nervous about meeting them. My heart started to flutter and my hands were cold. Good thing I had drank me some liquid courage before then. Imagine what a basket case I would have been without it! We finally got to their end of the table and I handed them the boxes with the bookmarks in them. For some reason I'd thought everyone would be bringing them stuff but apparently they don't get a lot of gifts. I told them they should open them later but Grant opened his right away and was very gracious. They were the nicest guys. They seemed to genuinely enjoy meeting everyone and didn't make us feel like we were annoying Ghost Hunter groupies or something (although there were some there and I would totally be one if I wasn't married with kids).

By the time it ended it was getting late so we headed upstairs for a couple more drinks in our room. I normally go to bed by ten so I was getting pretty tired. S is an insomniac so she was fine. After a couple more drinks we were giggling like idiots about how awesome Jason and Grant were when it dawned on us: we had crushes on the Ghost Hunters. It was nothing sexual, and of course we only love our husbands, be we were completely geeked out over Jason and Grant. The fact that they were both married with kids just made them more likable. And Grant had three sons, too. We had so much in common!!!

As tired as I was, when I climbed into bed I could not sleep. There seemed to be a pipe in the wall next to me that would go: knock...knock...knock..knock knockknockknock!!!!! I was sure it was not a ghost but it still freaked me out. Our room was also next to the stairway and we heard people clomping up and down all night chasing ghosts. I slept in a semi-conscious state, expecting to feel something cold touch me or hear the children in the hall but nothing happened. I was a little disappointed and a little relieved at the same time.

The next morning we headed to the 9am ghost tour with Billy the historian. I swear, the guy had to be related to Chris Farley. He had the same body, the same mannerisms and even the same talking cadence. He gave an interesting and informative talk about the hotel that gave us a good background. The Stanley is one of the most beautiful, amazing places I've ever been and even if it wasn't haunted I would put it on my list of favorite places ever.



The rest of the day was filled with talks from a variety of speakers. We learned about techniques for collecting and reviewing evidence from Dave Schrader (Darkness Radio host). Then John Zaffis told about his 30 year career as a demonologist and exorcist. We also heard from Chris Fleming, a celebrity medium who appears on the show "Dead Famous" on the biography channel. He shared some stories and experiences that were very intriguing. We got to hear an EVP he recorded at a place where Billy the Kid had killed two people that sounded exactly like gunshots. Then we had a talk from Adam Blai, also a demonologist, about how to protect yourself during an investigation. It was a later talk by Adam that really affected me.

Because S and I were in group 1, the group that would be going on the ghost hunt that night, the anticipation had been building for us all day. I was feeling a mixture of excitement and fear. Thankfully we had time to run out and grab a couple flashlights before the big night (no thanks to you people). In preparation for the investigations they blacked out all the hallways on the second, third and fourth floors. When we made one last trip to our room to gather our equipment we gasped as we came around the corner and were staring down a dark hallway. Too bad they say you can't drink before ghost hunting. No more liquid courage. We took deep breaths, turned on our flashlights and headed up. Before heading back down we held hands and said a prayer together. It made me feel a lot better.

Everyone was gathering in the meeting room so they could break us into groups. We would be investigating in groups of 25 in some of the most active areas of the hotel. Most of the people there were first-timers like us and you could sense the excitement in the air. We got into our group and were sent off to the first location where we would be for an hour: room 401. The room where the glass broke on Jason's bedside table and the closet door opened.

Half of our group went to 401 while the other half headed down to 418. Twelve people is a lot to have in one fairly small room. We all settled into different corners and on the bed and started fiddling with our equipment. I turned on my DVR to start taping. S and I were sitting right by the closet door which was a little freaky. Then Chris Fleming, the medium, came into the room to get us started. Someone had a thermal gauge and said the current room temperature was 73 degrees. Chris stared talking to any spirits in the vicinity and asked if they could lower the temperature to make their presence known. What do you know, the temp started to go down. Within a couple minutes it was at 70 but he asked it to go to 68 so we could be sure it was with us. It went to 68. Someone else in the room had a K2 meter which is another way to communicate with spirits. It's a simple hand-held doo-dad with lights on it. You can ask the ghost to light it up, once for a 'yes' and twice for 'no'. It's a controversial technique, but really, what isn't. We asked some questions but got no response. Chris had left the room to go check on the other people down the hall and after he left the temp went back up and it got boring pretty quickly.

After a while that seemed like an eternity, someone came to our room and said, "Hey, if you're interested there's some pretty cool stuff happening down in the other room." It was like a stampede down the hall since we were getting itchy for some real action. But as soon as we tip-toed into the room we heard Chris say, "WOW. That was remarkable. Please send me a tape of that," as he was getting up to leave. Dammit! We missed it. From what we heard later, he had asked a spirit to project certain emotions on a person in the room and it had worked. He thought about "sadness" and a girl began bawling. Then he thought about "joy" and she immediately burst our laughing. I remained skeptical about that incident since there were plenty of people there that would have been willing to fake it to get attention. Believe me.

Our next location was room 1302, the room featured on the show where the table lifted off the floor in front of Grant. We had heard that the night before the TV had turned on by itself in that room and Chip Coffee, another celebrity medium, had sensed a lot of things in there. For us, it was a bust. It consisted of sitting in a stuffy room with 25 people who seemed to be having gastro-intestinal problems and hacking coughs. Poor S had to sit next to a woman we had dubbed "Estees" since she was an Estes Park native but couldn't pronounce it correctly. She had a know-it-all attitude and bragged how she had been "studying the Stanley for seven years" yet she did not know any correct facts as far as we could tell. It's surprising how annoying people can be on a ghost hunt. Nothing happened at all in there. The ghosts were probably as annoyed and grossed out as we were.

After that, we headed over to the Music Hall. It's a beautiful building where sadly, a homeless woman and her dog had frozen to death in the basement years ago. Guess who was waiting for us on the porch...none other than Jason and Grant. Grant touched my hair and said, "Hey, I like the pigtails," and I blushed like a school girl. Really, I am a nerd. He led us inside and said that when the last group had been there and asked for a sign, a table that had been leaning against the wall fell over and crashed to the floor, scaring them half to death. Finally we might actually see something!

We went to the basement greenroom where performers used to prepare for shows. Grant started an EVP session for us and then left us on our own. Of course things went downhill after that. People could not be quiet and one goofy girl said she saw a shadow that was obviously not there. S and I were getting a little giddy from being so tired and spun up at the same time. Once again, nothing happened (except that Grant had touched my hair, hehe).

On our way back into the hotel as we were heading up the stairs, the medium guy Chris came running down the hall saying, "Did you see her??? Did you see her??? She was coming this way!!" Holy moly. We never got to find out exactly who or what he was chasing. But he's psychic so he probably sees things we can't see anyway.

The next stop on the ghost hunt was room 217. From the historical ghost tour we had learned that this was the room that had exploded years ago from a gas leak. A maid had been in the room and dropped through the floor. She broke both legs but survived and after that the owner of the Stanley took really good care of her for the rest of her life. It was also the room Steven king stayed in when he was inspired to write The Shining. According to the story, when he went to dinner with his wife, he returned to find all his clothes hanging up neatly in the closet (compliments of the ghost maid).

It was in that room we had our first real activity. John Zaffis was holding a K2 meter and someone else was measuring the temp. We began asking questions and things started to happen. The temperature dropped eight degrees and the K2 meter started to respond. From the myriad of questions we asked, which I won't bore you with, we determined that the maid was with us along with a few children. She said she enjoyed working at the Stanley and liked our company. When we asked about her falling through the floor the meter went crazy. I didn't personally "feel" anything but it was really cool to see what appeared to be a ghost who wanted to talk to us. At the end of the hour the radio host guy pounded on our door and about gave us all heart attacks.

Next stop was the basement. Now if you've seen the live Halloween special you may remember the creepy tunnel where they heard a woman's voice say, "Hellooo? Helloooo? Teeeheeehee..." It was one of the creepier things I've seen on the show. We were expecting great things from the basement. The funny thing is, it's really not that creepy. What you don't see on TV is that there is a sidewalk that runs right by the tunnel and leads to a fluorescent-lit employee office. I actually went in the tunnel, in the dark. It was no big deal. The same tunnel that when I saw it on TV I told my husband, "There's NO WAY you could make me go in there!" Now, I have something disappointing to tell you. If you've seen that episode, anyway. When we got to the basement, the radio host guy said, "Do you want to Hollywood version or the real version of what happened here?" Of course we wanted the real version. He said that after the live show had been taped, they found out that there were a couple of women that worked in the night auditor's office upstairs that may or may not have been messing the the Ghost Hunters. He said that sound can carry through the venting. But he also said that when they thought they had debunked the whole 'Hello, hello" incident, they heard a voice again and that time there was no one upstairs. So I don't know. It casts a lot of doubt on that incident but doesn't completely debunk it. But still, disappointing. Nothing happened for us down there that night.



We were thoroughly exhausted by 2am when the hunt was over. We considered if we should continuing investigating on our own but were just too tired to focus. We still had one more night, after all.

The next day was spent attending more lectures from different speakers. The previous day I had been extremely impressed with the speakers. They were educated, experienced and very credible, in my humble opinion. The second day was a little different.

One of the speakers gave a talk about "Electronic and Photographic Spirit Communication." He appeared to be a really nice guy and the first part of what he had to say was very positive. But then it went south. He went off on a very long tangent about humans from the planet Marduk who colonized Earth before their planet was destroyed. He said that humans have been on Earth for at least 3.9 billion years. He got his information from spirits that he communicated with through his radio and from what I can tell, those spirits must be laughing their asses off. You could hear people turning their recorders off and trickling out the door shortly after he got to the part about Marduk. I had to pinch myself to keep a straight face and I was disturbed by the number of people who appeared to be listening with rapt attention, but I stayed. Turned out he's from Boulder. Surprise, surprise.

The next speaker was also disappointing. It was supposed to be a talk about "The Stanley Hotel Effect" and how maybe the hotel wasn't haunted but instead the mountain under it was. Instead, he talked about crop circles for an hour. It was interesting enough, just not what I'd hoped for. S bought his book but when we got to our room and had time to flip through it she said, "Oh no. I won't be showing this to my husband after all." It had a chapter about Lizard People and a one about sex with aliens. He lost a little credibility after that.

Throughout the day we heard stories from different people about their ghost hunting experiences. Some people there were using a "Frank's Box" which is some kind of modified radio you can use to actually hear spirit voices. It's really creepy to hear and I've only seen it on TV before. The actual inventor, Frank (duh), was at the Stanley with us. One woman told me that she was in room 401 and got to talking to a ghost through the box. It seemed agitated and she asked the ghost what was wrong. He said he was horny. Seriously. He then started to go on and on in very vulgar language and made disparaging comments about women. They tried to get him to leave so they could talk to a different ghost but he wouldn't go. I asked her if she'd taken the historic ghost tour because I'd heard about a real SOB ghost named Dunraven who was haunting the 4th floor. In life he was a shyster who owned brothels in England. She had not heard that story and it really freaked her out. It kind of freaked me out, too, since I was staying on the 4th floor. I had already wondered if 'anyone' was watching me in the shower.

After hearing a lively round-table discussion with the Ghost Hunters and other speakers, the last event for us was another talk by psychologist and demonologist Adam Blai about the "Psychology of the Paranormal and Demonology from a Roman Catholic Perspective." I had really enjoyed his earlier talk and looked forward to hearing more from him. The people who had heard him the night before while we were ghost hunting said his talk was very powerful and worth hearing. They also said it was good that we had gone ghost hunting before we heard what he was about to say.

He started out by explaining his credentials, his background as a Roman Catholic and his experience. He said he was not promoting his religion and did not discount other religions, it was just that Christianity was his faith system and was what he had seen work in demonic possessions. He was not there to give us a thrill by freaking us out with scary photos and stories, he was there out of concern for the general public and the recent explosion in paranormal interest. He said that basically, people were getting bored with ghosts from all the shows and were now looking to darker things such as demonic possessions. He had been approached several times to make a show and turned it down flatly. Disturbingly, he said it won't be long until someone does make a reality show about exorcisms.

He then discussed psychological things that sometimes led people to believe they were experiencing paranormal phenomena when they weren't. From there he talked about ghosts and different theories on why they're there. His theory was that ghosts were human spirits who for some reason are 'trapped' in a purgatory-like existance, probably waiting for their final chance on Judgment Day. He reminded us that they once had families, jobs, hobbies, and even addictions just like us. He said that we should evaulate why exactly we though it was necessary to "go in a dark room, poke around with a stick, get a ghost to talk to us and then leave them there." He asked how we would feel if we'd been stuck in a room for 40 years and someone came in, asked to communicate and then just walked out after we did. He basically made us feel like big jerks.

As someone who already believed that demons are real, I was not as shocked by the rest of what he said as some people were. But believe me, I was disturbed. He said that unlike ghosts, demons were never human. As a refresher for anyone who already knows this, when God decided to create humans, and create them as beings above the angels, some of the angels got ticked off and rebelled. Satan, the leader, and other fallen angels were cast out of heaven. They were not sent to Hell, but cast down to Earth. Unlike humans, angels are able to see the future and results of their decisions so therefore they are not subject to the same grace as we are. Since the rebelling angels were able to know the consequences of their actions before they made that decision, they were damned forever. So basically, they hate us and they have nothing lose. Not a good combination.

As an exorcist who worked for the Roman Catholic Church, Adam had seen some mind-boggling things and although he didn't tell us even a fraction of them, it was enough to almost give me a panic attack. I really had to concentrate on my breathing to calm myself. I could picture what he described in my head and it was not a pretty picture. I was not the only one freaking out. He took a look at the audience once after one of his descriptions and asked, "Are you all okay?" I felt like saying, "No!" How could we be with demons lurking around out there???

What he did was definitely a calling and not a choice. When he first entered the field his to-be mentor asked him if he had any children or pets and thankfully he didn't. The mentor told him it was best for him not to have a family at all because it was such dangerous work. Things come home with him sometimes. Because when you cast a demon out, it doesn't just disappear.

He explained that demons can take the form of an animal, human and even a combination of the two. They can read your thoughts and even look like a dead realtive of yours. But they are not able to look completely human so he advised that if you see an apparition and don't know if it's a ghost or demon, look for deformities. Often they will have black eyes, white eyes or partial limbs. He helped one woman who was being tormented by a legless demon who crawled across her floor with its arms and into her bed every night. It was worse than a horror movie.

Not only can they disguise themselves as people and animals, they can deceive us by pretending to be non-threatening spirits. For instance, a person may be communicating with what they think is the ghost of a little girl. "Help me find my mommy! I'm scared!" the little girl ghost might say. "Well of course I'll help you little girl ghost!" you might say. And by opening yourself up to the spirit you have inadvertantly given a demon a foothold. And that is why the Bible tells us in at least seven places not to communicate with spirits. Not to keep us from having a little fun, but to keep us from being destroyed and devoured.

Demons envy our bodies. Adam said that from his experience they even have a twisted desire to create babies and have the ability to rape. Their ultimate goal is to cause the people they possess to commit suicide. They are very, very real whether or not people or churches want to acknowledge it. I am absolutely convinced of it.

There was good news though! Thank God! He said that the spirit world is very legalistic and governed by strict laws. Demons cannot possess a person without their permission. Well why would anyone give their permission? you might ask. He cited examples of demons making promises of money, power, fame and even sex to convince people. They would follow up on their promises but then pull the rug out once it was fulfilled. Then the person was stuck with a demon inside them intent on destroying them.

I was so grateful to Adam for taking the time to share his knowledge with us and also grateful to the Ghost Hunters for being fair enough to invite someone with a message that might hurt their business to speak at their event. I think that really shows how honest and well-meaning they are.

Needless to say, after the talk we decided not to go ghost hunting that night. We went back to our room, changed into PJ's and crashed out. I had not been that sleep deprived in a least three years. I was still edgy but slept until about four when S had to shake me awake because my snoring was out of control. I went right back to sleep but was awakened again at 5:30am. Jolted out of my coma-like sleep by a blood curdling scream. I snapped to attention and sat up, wondering if what I was hearing was real. I heard what sounded like a young woman in the hall outside our door hysterically screaming and sobbing at the same time. She was not screaming anything like 'help, help' because she was scared beyond words. Her lack of coherency made it even more frightening. It's what someone might sound like if they were about to be killed, I would imagine. I'll never forget how it sounded. S was up, too, and ran to look out the peephole. She said there was nothing there which scared me even more. Was is a screaming ghost? It had become very quiet and I did not hear anyone else opening their doors to see what was going on. What if someone actually needed help? I worked up my nerve and tip-toed out into the hallway. I could hear voices coming from around the corner and soft crying. I peeked around slowly and saw a crowd of mostly men standing around a girl who was in a heap in front of room 401. I think Jason and Grant were there, too. "Is she alright?" I asked. "Yeah, she was just a little startled." A little??? Do ya think? I wanted to get closer to be nosey but decided against it. Instead I went back around the corner and strained my ears to hear. "It was pushing back on my head," I heard her say. "Four times." She said she was so embarrassed for screaming. The funny thing is, they had auctioned that room off at the fundraiser, so she had actually paid extra money for the opportunity to sleep there. I guess she got what she paid for, a real-life paranormal experience. I got my money's worth, too, just hearing her reaction. That was good enough for me, believe me.

So after yet another mostly sleepless night we dragged ourselves out of bed and looked out the window. Crap. There was snow. Lot and lots of snow. S began to panic. What if we got snowed in? What if we had to spend another night there? We packed ourselves up in record time, check out and hit the road. Thankfully, we made it home safely. Back to our homes, free of any spirits but our own and those of our husbands and children.




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What I took away from this trip is that ghosts are indeed real, angels are indeed real, demons are indeed real, and most of all, God is indeed real. I now see myself and other humans as spiritual beings more than ever. While in the midst of daily mundane, hum-drum things like washing dirty laundry and dishes, filling out permission slips for field trips and making grocery lists, it's easy to forget that we are more than the sum of our parts.

I saw how so many people are starving for spiritual nourishment and looking for confirmation in places like the 'Spring Thaw' at the Stanley because in my opinion, they are not getting it in places where they should, like church. I know that I learned more substantial and important information in that one talk from Adam Blai than anything I've heard in church in years. Hearing his message and experiencing what I did on my ghost hunt made me realize in a very real way just what's at stake: My life, and my soul. We are precious to God and there are forces that would love to tear us apart. There is real spiritual activity and warfare all around us every day.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. ~Ephesians 6:12

Now, more than ever, I believe.