so this is it?

It seems that for the last ten years we've been trying to get somewhere. We've been in constant motion: Changing jobs, changing houses, even changing states. Having babies, raising babies, trying to survive the babies and always trying improve our situation.

On New Year's Day it all seemed to stop for me. Instead of being excited about what may come, I felt like I'd hit a wall. Like I was just about to live another rerun of last year. No longer were we trying to get somewhere, we had finally arrived at the place we'd wanted to be for so long. The place we'd worked so hard to get to.

This is it. We've reached the point of inertia. We have all the children we'll ever have, we're in the home that we'll most likely be in until the boys are raised and maybe even after that, and my husband has the job he's worked years to get and will probably retire from in 30 years or so (and that's if all goes well). This is it.

From here on out, each day will be very similar, and that's if we're lucky. Work, school, laundry, dishes, homework, bathtime and bedtime. Hanging out with friends now and then, a few good shows to watch on TV, a vacation here and there and before we know it, BAM. We're dead. And what was the point?

I know I sound ungrateful but I'm not. I'm more than thankful for my husband and healthy, beautiful children. I'm thankful for my own health. I'm thankful for our home and my husband's job. Believe me, I don't take these things for granted. I actually love my life, I'm exactly where I always wanted to be. But now that I'm here I just think there has to be more.

This just can't be it.