who knew?

Last fall I walked into a conference with my kindergartner's teacher and walked out feeling like I'd had the wind sucked out of me. For the first time as a parent, I had been told that my son was struggling and behind where he should be in class. At first, I was just in shock. How could he be in trouble with reading? We are a family of readers. We read to our kids, we read in front of our kids, we love to read! The advice she gave me, to read to him and show him reading videos, were things we already did.

After thinking about it for a few days, I calmed down and remembered that my first son had not really, truly gotten "into" reading until first grade. I could still remember his teacher saying that first grade is where the magic really happens. He said we would not believe how much they grew that year. And he was right. My oldest son blossomed last year and this year he's one of the best readers in his class. He loves to read and write. So what about his little brother? Could they be that different?

I decided right away that I was not going to be one of those moms whose identity is so wrapped up in their children's accomplishments that they make them feel like they have to perform. I did not want to pressure him or send him the message that there was a problem. The more I thought about it, the more resentful I felt. I mean, his teacher was awesome and meant well, but I just knew there was nothing wrong with Clayton. I didn't read until first grade and I turned out okay! In fact, when I was in kinder, we took naps and finger painted all day. What is the big hurry these days? It seems like schools think that kids have to learn everything earlier, faster, sooner. Why???

So the Spring-time conference came and the teacher had the same kind of feedback. She said he was still behind and just so I knew, they did have a "reading-recovery" group he could join in first grade if it came to that. Reading recovery??? Seriously? I wanted to say, "Lady, this is kinder ****ing garten. Chill out!" He's one of the youngest in his class and he'll get there!

Boys' brains develop more slowly than girls so that might have been another factor, but I knew him and I knew that he was a brilliant child. He said and did things all the time that surprised us. Anyway, long story short, I felt more and more convinced that all he needed was time.

Then, yesterday, as I dropped him off at school, his teacher stopped me. She said that she had just done end-of-year assessments and he completed them all with flying colors. He was exactly where he should be! Well surprise, surprise, I wanted to say. Who knew?

This little exercise has taught me to trust my maternal instincts even more. As a mom I am constantly second-guessing my choices and judgement but this time I was right. I knew my boy better than anyone.