the big D
What do you do when the man you've shared your life with for over a decade, the father of your children, your soul mate, decides to walk away without even discussing it? Without even giving it a chance with the help of a counselor. Without even considering that he's not only breaking your heart but the innocent hearts of your little boys.
Last week I heard the shocking news from one of my childhood friends that she and her husband will be getting a divorce. I've known her for over 25 years and was the maid of honor in their wedding over 11 years ago. I just couldn't believe it. I still don't.
Divorce is never a good thing, whether there are children involved or not, but when there are it makes it so much worse. Her sons are almost the same age as mine and I can't imagine the hurt and confusion on their faces if we tried to explain to them that "Daddy isn't going to live here anymore." It makes me sick just thinking about it. I've read somewhere before that "Divorce undermines a child's natural assumption that familial relationships are binding." And most adults who have parents who divorced recall it as one of the defining events of their lives.
When there's abuse or unfaithfulness involved, that's a whole different story. But when a spouse is faithful, loving and a good parent, it's just wrong to walk away. I've known of people who left because they were "not in love anymore" or thought the grass was greener somewhere else. I've known people who left because they were basically bored and so self-centered that their personal gratification came above their children's welfare.
This is the first time I've seen divorce with children involved this close up and it is ugly, ugly, ugly. There's just no other way to describe it. So to anyone out there considering it without just cause, please grow up, get some counseling and don't ruin the lives of anyone around you out of your own damn selfishness.
As for my friend, thankfully she has the support of her family and many friends and I know she'll come through this. But she'll never be the same and her boys will never understand why their dad flaked out. There's no excuse. Period.
Last week I heard the shocking news from one of my childhood friends that she and her husband will be getting a divorce. I've known her for over 25 years and was the maid of honor in their wedding over 11 years ago. I just couldn't believe it. I still don't.
Divorce is never a good thing, whether there are children involved or not, but when there are it makes it so much worse. Her sons are almost the same age as mine and I can't imagine the hurt and confusion on their faces if we tried to explain to them that "Daddy isn't going to live here anymore." It makes me sick just thinking about it. I've read somewhere before that "Divorce undermines a child's natural assumption that familial relationships are binding." And most adults who have parents who divorced recall it as one of the defining events of their lives.
When there's abuse or unfaithfulness involved, that's a whole different story. But when a spouse is faithful, loving and a good parent, it's just wrong to walk away. I've known of people who left because they were "not in love anymore" or thought the grass was greener somewhere else. I've known people who left because they were basically bored and so self-centered that their personal gratification came above their children's welfare.
This is the first time I've seen divorce with children involved this close up and it is ugly, ugly, ugly. There's just no other way to describe it. So to anyone out there considering it without just cause, please grow up, get some counseling and don't ruin the lives of anyone around you out of your own damn selfishness.
As for my friend, thankfully she has the support of her family and many friends and I know she'll come through this. But she'll never be the same and her boys will never understand why their dad flaked out. There's no excuse. Period.
posted by Nicole | 5:31 PM
1 Comments:
I get what you are saying here because we had some neighbor friends who just went through this. Watching what it does to the kids is really terrible. This one involved extreme infidelity and the person who was unfaithful eventually left. But, it was hard because we were friends with both of them and the ugly stories that came out of it all shocked us...and really made us evaluate our marriage differently. I cannot say my marriage is perfect by any means, but I hope that it is at least strong enough that we never have to go through this--or if, God forbid, we do that we handle it in a way that is best for our kids emotionally. It is hard enough on kids just having a parent leave the home...
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