conversations with small boys

From a few mornings ago when I went to get my two year-old from his bed:

His sippy cup of water had leaked causing him discomfort from a cold, wet pillow. He said with a pout on his little face, "My sippy cup leaked....Only moms say, 'Dammit'?" To which I said, "Yes. I mean No. Even moms can't say dammit. It's a bad word." Where on earth did he hear that word?

From two nights ago when my four year-old came streaking into our room at three in the morning filled with terror thinking he had heard something in his room. As my husband held his trembling body, he said, "I want my addy," to which my husband replied, "I am your Daddy."

I want my addy," he reiterated.

Awww, I thought. He's so scared he's reverting to baby talk.

"I am your daddy," my husband reassured him.

"I WANT MY TEDDY," he stated in exasperation, referring to his red bear he'd chosen to sleep with that night.

Oh.

mama says om theme: heroes

By nature, little boys want to be heroes. Just take a look around on Halloween night. A solid eighty percent of the boys are dressed as Superman, Batman, Ninja Turtles and other skilled, strong characters. Most of the girls prefer to be princesses, fairies, brides and other pretty pink things.

The toy industry is very aware of the true nature of boys and girls. When money is at stake, the truth comes out. Take a look at the "girl" aisle at the store. It's filled with miles of pink packaging containing Barbies, babies and other soft things. Go around the corner to the "boy" aisle and you'll see action figures, monster trucks and plastic weapons from floor to ceiling. It's actually pretty brazen of them to create these shopping categories when the politically correct would have you believe boys and girls are pretty much the same. If so, why not put the Barbies and trucks on the same aisle? Just mix it all up? Because that would be bad marketing. I've yet to see a pink plastic sword. It just wouldn't sell.

Since little boys harbor the desire to be brave and strong in their little boy hearts, it's just common sense to think that grown men feel the same way. And it couldn't be a worse time to be a man. Our society is industrialized and generally safe. There's no real need for them hunt or fish to provide for their villages. They never get to fight bears. Instead, they get to wear suits and ties and drive miles and miles in traffic just to sit in a fluorescent office cubicle all day. And if they dare do something chivalrous like open a door for a woman (gasp!), they get their heads bitten off. We don't need them to do that! We can do it ourselves! At least that's the feminist line.

I think we've all lost out by trying to tame our men. We send the message that they should be more gentle, soft, and communicative. More like women. And for some reason we feel the pressure to be more tough and aggressive. More like men. Sometimes I wonder if men and women were created to be different so we might rely on each other a little more. Balance each other out. If we strive to become all alike, what's the point?

So as I send my son off to school in his Rescue Hero undies, Ninja Turtle t-shirt, Spiderman backpack, toting his Superman lunch box, my heart aches a little. He's still safely ensconced in a childhood culture where it's good to want to be brave and strong. I hope by the time he's grown, our society will have come full circle and realized that we really do need our men to be real men. Big, strong, brave, hairy men. And it's okay.



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